I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize