who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
