do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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