go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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