I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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