i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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