i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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