This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
