Don't you send me to vm
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
