Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
