Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize