bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
