Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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