I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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