how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
