She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
