This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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