my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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