So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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