I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
