Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
