its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
