I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
