I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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