Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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