I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
