Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize