before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
