My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
