she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
