I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
