My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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