Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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