I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
