Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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