Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
