At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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