I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
