Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
