So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
