my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
