I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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