hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
