the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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