Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
