You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
