either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
