I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
