Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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