i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
