ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
