garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
