Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I haven't been this sober since birth.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
