who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
