i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Those nachos came to me in a dream
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
