I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
