My Higher Power is John Stamos
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
