My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
