I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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