Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize