i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
