there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
