that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize