I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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