She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
