careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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