I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
