Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
