this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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