i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
