I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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