Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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