would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
