You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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