we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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