so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
