Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's always time for handjobs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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