Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
