If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i love accidental penises.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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