Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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