I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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