Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
