Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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