its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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