Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
